Losses

It’s so interesting how quickly we lose ourselves. It’s as if we don’t believe in the weight we hold with how swiftly we find ourselves shuffled underneath the weight of someone’s opinion, or rejection, or even if it’s an impossible thing, it still feels like rejection. When you make the choice to heal and to start gathering all of your scattered pieces, it feels like getting to know yourself all over again, and what a lovely thing that is. I stumble upon bits and pieces of myself with a surprised exclamation every time. “Oh, I DO love to write poetry, and I can write to my hearts content! I have a blog, and that IS an excellent thing, and I can enjoy it as much as I want. Oh yes, I remember now, I do love my inquisitive nature and I can find joy in pursuing all of my hobbies again. And no one can take that from me.” It’s a shame how quickly we snuff ourselves out when someone fails to recognize our inherent gifts and we die a sort of death. But the beauty is that we can always choose to come alive again, and each time feels a little more magical than the last.

Author: ebonyandcrows

Hello and welcome to my page~ My name is Larisa--a very common Slavic name that was either derived from the Latin word hilaris, meaning "cheerful," or from the Greek city of Larissa, meaning "strong fortress." Born in Ukraine, I emigrated with my family to America when I was still a small child and now make my home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Growing up immersed in two vastly differing cultures led me to have a burning curiosity about people all over the world. Stemming from said curiosity, I have fallen in love with traveling to other countries, meeting new people and delving into their culture, exploring new cities, and of course, dining on the local cuisine! If I cannot escape into a different country, then my next favorite method of adventure is to lose myself in a spectacular book. I enjoy books of all genres--from fiction and novels, to biographies and ethnographies. As long as it captures my fancy and holds me spellbound the entire time, I will burn through the book like a forest fire! Because of this penchant for reading and travel, coupled with my love of deep and mysterious things, I have been often called a dreamer and I find the title suits me. With that being said, I invite you to stay a while, perhaps make yourself a cup of tea and linger through my posts and feel free to comment or share a thought :-)

26 thoughts on “Losses”

  1. I understand what you mean. Even almost imaginary, almost manufactured slights can tune us down another octave. It is a special quality to be able to operate on a level of putting out inspirations without being negatively affected by how we are received. It is a strong connection to our central point. But we must also do so without ruthlessness or vengeance. Maybe the internet helps teach this lesson in an odd way.

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    1. It does help teach us this, oddly enough. I think the internet sometimes acts as a “safe place” to be able to let down our guards and be vulnerable, and that allows others to glean insights into themselves too. I think the poet uses all the anguish and heartache as fodder to spin beautiful poems, and that is a contradiction within itself. Beauty from pain. I’m going to be really honest though, I do want to stop being brought low by people and life circumstances.

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      1. Yeah, can understand that. I guess I am fortunate lately; my personal tragedies still happen, but they seem not to bring me too low anymore. Also, some beauty comes from things other than pain… things like wonder. Wish you well!

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  2. I know what you mean, and totally agree! You described it well. And congratulations to you 🥳.

    I just discovered Freddie Mercury today by watching the Bohemian Rhapsody movie. And well, doesn’t he encapsulate this sort of optmism towards one’s own abilities? Lol.

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    1. Thank you, Robin! I know the name, Freddie Mercury, but I am embarrassed to say that I don’t know much about him. It is wonderful to re-discover oneself, but it is also wonderful to meet people who celebrate us too.

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  5. This is a beautiful and poignant post, Larisa. I feel the same way. Part of us gets compromised, lost, when we embark in a relationship. Things that made us indelibly ‘us’, is moved aside for the common good. I hope that life is kind to all of us, and we experience the epiphany that those bits and pieces you mention, can be recalled. However, sometimes I feel like Frodo at the end of The return of the King:

    “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.”

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    1. Wow, that quote grabbed me by the throat. Tolkien and Lewis really understood the tragedies of life. Giants among men.

      I know this sounds cliché but I miss you, Rob! I love that you still check in and swing by every once in a while. What you said was so poetic and beautiful and of a kindred spirit. Ah, that’s why we are all here though, right? Commiserating eloquently about life’s tragedies.

      How’s the pup doing?

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      1. I miss you as well, Larisa. The world is on fire, but I can come here and feel comfort and beauty. The pup is so mischievous! He likes playing with water bottles, AND he’s discovered the recycle bin. My back yard looks like a recycle plant now. 😀

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            1. Haha! That’s cute! I might be able to relate a little in that is how I feel when I come visit the horse I ride, Sweetie, at the barn. Her affection and antics actually release dopamine in my brain. Horses, man. They are SO intuitive and they understand what we say to them. I asked Sweetie if she was my little girl the other day and she nodded her head. They actually respond like that and it makes me squeal haha

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    1. Thank you!! I’ve been crying all day. I didn’t expect for it to hit me as hard as it did, but it became personal for me last night when I saw all my ukrainians stories on instagram and also seeing the attacks actually happen…feels like something personal of mine is being attacked. My heritage and motherland. It’s such a heartbreaking feeling. Thank you for the prayers! Love and hugs xo

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      1. Oh Larisa… I have to confess I thought of you constantly since this nightmare began. Even with all the warnings, all the political forecasts and ominous signs… I thought to myself, no way, absolutely not, this won’t happen. This can’t happen. That would be utter lunacy. That would be an act of unprovoked evil. Hitler-esque. That isnt possible in this “modern” world of ours. Such a cruel, insidious aggression? Never…

        And then it did.

        I have cried many tears, and anxiously bitten my nails to nothing but dust. I feel so …. helpless. On a soulful level.

        And all the while knowing in the back of my mind that is …. your home. Your family. Your heritage. Your childhood stories. Your parents home. Your language, your food, your smells, your songs.

        I have worried for you, for your family. That land, is in your bones. I seem to waver between terror and devastation for this world.

        Ans I can not begin to describe the sheer hatred I hold for Putin. The… Empty, insidious, madman.

        But I want you to know Larisa …. This world stands with Ukraine. In this darkness an unspeakable hope is born.

        I am in awe of how the planet is rallying for them, uniting for them, and for you. I am deeply inspired by Zelensky, his humility and loyalty. And the courage of his people. *Your* people.

        If there is anything I can do to help or provide comfort to you please know I will always heed that call. I have prayed and prayed.

        Ukraine fights for something much bigger than Russias malignant greed. They fight for all of humanity. In this… be proud. And remain strong. For this can not be undone by bombs. 🇺🇦🕊

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        1. Wow, April, thank you! This comment, no, heartfelt cry, so eloquently encapsulated what so many of us are feeling. You are the perfect person to do justice to our volatile feelings that swing between grief and helplessness and rage.

          My brother just got back from Poland and he told us of the stories from refugees who would pour their heart out about the unspeakable atrocities they experienced at the hands of Russian soldiers. The indiscriminate killing of civilians. The rampant rape of women and young girls. One young rape victim had cuts all over her neck and face. Young children stop speaking altogether.

          I’m so tired of this world, honestly. It feels that humanity cannot catch a break and I don’t foresee how it can get better.

          Thank you for caring. It means a lot to me.

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          1. Oh my God… My heart aches for the people of Ukraine. My heart aches for the women, children, fathers, brothers, and animals. For the forests and the homes and the cities and the earth. Humanity has a sickness that can not be cured…… but please do not lose hope. There is always hope. Hope will bring glory to Ukraine. God will comfort the wounded and heal the devastation. And men like Putin and his soldiers will someday know a fate worse than death. My prayers are with you and your people Larisa. 🙏🏼

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