Did you ever have, as a small child, moments of such pure joy, that it felt like you could smell the sunlight, taste the freedom of the grass and the trees, and feel the song of birds gliding across your skin? And it felt like you were filled with so much lightness, and this knowledge that there lies something great and beautiful in store for you and all you have to do is reach out and just dive into it?
Almost like diving into a shaft of sunlight and exploding into a million particles of gold.
I remember how happy my childhood was, especially in that green house in Silver Lake. There were those moments that I felt like I was full to bursting with that feeling of pure, unfettered, joy. I have come to believe that was the presence of God, to be honest. As a child, I just didn’t know it was God. It’s very specific, too.
I have been awake and laying in bed for several hours, sifting through all the layers of adulthood that have been cast on me with every year that I have grown, and realizing that I never even had to carry a single one of these burdens. As I’ve been wrestling with God and all these realizations, and casting them all off of me, I was instantaneously brought back to that very specific place and time in the green house as a small child of 4 or 5, and that full-to-bursting presence of pure, unfettered joy I used to experience.
I realized that’s what Jesus meant when He said we are to become like small children. It doesn’t mean to become immature. I also realized that even as a small child, in hindsight, that feeling that I would bask in so often was actually a very mature and whole feeling. I’m doing everything in my power to bring that back.